She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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