I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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