Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
