i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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