You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Come on in and take your pants off
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