I don't usually arrange sex via text message
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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