No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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