K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
