dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
