Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
