end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
