I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize