I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
