The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
