i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
