There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
