I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
