Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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