theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
