I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
