Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize