There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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