I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want nice things and good sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
