just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
