no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
