So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
