is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
