its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
