You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
