I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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