those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
