the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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