Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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