I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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