$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
