Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Two words: nipple clamps
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