is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
