His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
