this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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