My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize