I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
