So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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