Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
