I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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