He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
