How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
