I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
