Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
