i will never coherently bang her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
