just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
