margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
