Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
