Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I cockslap morals
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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