the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
