I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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