I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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