mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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