they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
