I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
