remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
