shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize