hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
