How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
