Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've blown a few things in my day
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize