I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
