why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
