you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
