wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fuck appropriateness.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
