Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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