it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's just like the Real World with babies
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
