Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
