her vagine was all disorganized.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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