I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
