is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
