The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it glows. i had to have it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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