That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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